I am Married
by albe-chan
Summary: A tryst at a party and Lily Potter's thoughts on life, love, and her husband's best friend. A redo of one of my fics from another fandom. MATURE. SMUT. SEX. INFIDELITY. LPSB. ONESHOT.


**I'm Married**

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own Harry Potter, or any of the characters mentioned in this story, unless stated otherwise. Rated for possible sexual content, violence and language. Reader discretion is advised. Any similarities to real life are purely coincidence and I will not be held responsible! Thanks!

**Author's Note:** a story I did a long time ago for another fandom that I loved, so I've decided to alter it a bit, and make it a HP fiction. YAY! 'Love, love…you're already home.' Cheers!

XXX

Lily Potter (nee Evans) liked to think she knew the difference between right and wrong. She liked to think she knew that she did some good for the world. That the wizarding world and her country were somewhat better for the job she and her friends and colleagues did every day. But then she had met Sirius Black and all of that had gone downhill.

They had started as rivals, nothing more, but as the years fell away friendship blossomed between them, along with the rest of the (in)famous Marauders. And as they neared the ending of their Hogwarts careers, their friendship grew and matured like so much tasty fruit, aided and abetted by the fact that she was dating his best friend James Potter.

Then they had all, James, Sirius, Remus, Peter and herself (not to mention a smattering of other old school chums) gone and joined the Order of the Phoenix, to fight the Dark Lord, Voldemort, and Lily found herself and Sirius growing closer than ever.

Life happened, as it has the nasty habit of doing, and soon Lily found herself married to James and starting her life with the once-hated man. It was bliss - perfect unadulterated bliss, and she couldn't have been happier.

Then came the night that changed her life.

She and Sirius were paired together for an undercover reconnaissance mission, during which time they would try to scope out the Death Eaters' (those most loyal followers of He Who Mustn't Be Named) possible plans against them. They would be staking out the Hog's Head where they knew from previous information the Death Eaters would be. So under the disguise of Transfigured faces, they would listen in to as much as possible, all the while pretending they were on an admittedly unorthodox date. It was easy for them; they had known each other too long to feel at all awkward. Hell, Sirius practically lived in her and James' cottage he visited so often. He was like family.

But that one mission for the Order had been their downfall. They'd heard all they could, which amounted to very little, and after the Death Eaters had left, they'd stayed on, Lily's companion treating her to a drink in celebration of a quasi-successful mission. One drink led to several, and by the time they exited the pub, they were both incredibly intoxicated. They Apparated clumsily to the cottage, reading the note from James that he, Remus and Peter had gone out and wouldn't be back until very late. And somehow, neither could ever really recall, they had kissed; tongues spearing into one another's mouths as hands tugged ravenously at clothing and threaded through ebony and scarlet locks.

And despite the fact that she was married, bound to his best friend in sickness and health and bonded for life, Lily wanted him and his body and the pleasure she knew he could wring from her. And even while they both knew it was wrong, and Sirius hated to think of the consequences, he allowed his poor judgment to take control like he always did. He couldn't help himself. He loved her.

Some four months after the first night the pair had commenced their wobbly, and completely sexual affair (at least that's what they told themselves), and the news that lily was pregnant, the Potters were holding a Christmas party in their comfortable little cottage at Godric's Hollow with friends and other members of the Order. Everyone had been invited, and the little house was filled with people, talking, laughter and food (not to mention a large quantity of Firewhiskey and elf-made wine). Lily found herself whispering to her husband she was going to go for some air for a bit, catching the animalistic look Sirius sent her across the room and feeling her panties dampen.

At his nod, she departed and wandered away from the living room and dining area to the darkened back garden. It was cold and quiet, covered in a blanket of fresh snow, and looked deserted.

Then heard the gentle click of a door as someone joined her and the brilliant glow of lighted wand tip in the velvet darkness. Sirius. She let out the breath she had unconsciously been holding. "You must be freezing," she said quietly, noting his lack of a jacket.

He smirked in reply and shrugged. "Aren't you cold yourself?" he asked.

Lily shrugged. "No, not really."

Sirius moved toward her, his strides purposeful and his eyes seeming to glow silver as a Patronus in the dim light. "I want you Lily," he breathed, his breath pluming away in the chill.

The redhead felt the telltale quickening of her pulse at his low, husky voice. She shivered as he stepped towards her, but not from the cold. She hated herself for it, but God, did she want him… His lips brushed over hers and she hungrily pressed herself into the hard contours of his body. Even after all this time, just the feel of him aroused her.

His hands caressed her back, tantalizingly slow, dipping into the hem on the back of her Muggle halter dress, as his lips slanted over hers, claiming it in a fiery show of dominance. Her arms were curled just as possessively around his neck, fingernails biting into the skin as his mouth trailed a path of hot kisses down the column of her throat.

"We should stop," she said without conviction. Stopping was the last thing on her mind, and they both knew it.

He backed her up until she was pressed into the side of the cottage, his leg riding between hers, his hands sliding up her abdomen to cup her breasts greedily, before reaching up to fondle the clasp of her dress at the nape of her neck. Lily arched her back wantonly, allowing him better access and pressing her breasts into his hard chest. Their groins were pressed together, every movement sending delicious shivers of anticipation coursing through them.

Sirius let the material fall from her breasts before freeing them from their underwire and satin prison, his mouth hungrily attaching to one of her tautened nipples as goose bumps danced across her skin from the cold. The other hard nub he favoured with his hand, rolling and massaging the bud, measuring the weight of her. Lily's hands were at his belt, fiddling with the mechanism.

She got it undone, and her hands caressed the hard length of his cock through his trousers, squeezing gently and eliciting the much-anticipated groan of pleasure she felt rumbling through his throat and into her mouth as she kissed him.

His hands went up under the skirt of her little red dress, caressing her clit through the dampened fabric of her lingerie. She panted and groaned and yet he continued to tease her. It was a well-rehearsed dance, one both were intimately familiar with. "Please Sirius," she begged, hating herself and loving it.

Her panties fluttered to her ankles, swiftly followed by his pants and underwear. She was pressed to the wall, her skirt hiked up over her hips, looking at him through half-lidded eyes filled with lust, panting and hardly aware of the temperature around them. Merlin, he wanted her. "Please…" she whispered and he took her.

His throbbing, aching cock slid into her warm wet pussy, making her gasp and arch into him, her ample breasts, all hard nipples, poking him erotically. He kissed her then, his tongue spearing into her mouth. She kissed him back as he fucked her, first slow and erotic before building to a frenzied thrusting, right there in the shadowy wand light of her back garden.

She whimpered her completion and felt him climax a minute later, his hot seed spilling into her as it had so many times before. He pulled out of her, letting his body rest against hers, her arms still around him, gently caressing his hair. They fit together so perfectly; it broke his heart a little more every time he thought about how much he wanted her. But he couldn't have her. She would never do that to James and he would never let her hurt his best friend.

"Run away with me," he mouthed against her ear, knowing she wouldn't hear him. Sighing, he lifted his weight off her and they slowly dressed, Vanishing the suspicious paths of their footprints.

Lily, on her part, felt like she always did…always had, after having sex with Sirius. She felt vaguely tired, sated, and tremendously ashamed of the person she had become. She was not some wanton whore. She was a wife, a soon-to-be mother…a decent, respectable woman who worked for the good of her country every day.

"We can't do this anymore" she said, smoothing the front of her dress as Sirius buckled his belt.

_That's not what you were saying ten minutes ago,_ he told himself angrily. But he could never speak those words to the woman he loved so much... He replied the same way he always did.

"I know. When will I see you again?"

Lily sighed. Same old dance; same old outcomes. "Thursday."

He nodded and kissed her.

Lily watched him re-enter the house, timing her own entry so it wouldn't look suspicious. She was just about to go in herself, when the door opened again. Her best friend, Alice Longbottom, gaped at her. "Why are you out here with no coat? You'll catch your death of sick!"

The redhead pasted a smile onto her face. "I know" she replied, "but it's just such a gorgeous night out."

"Well James is looking for you," said her friend, as Lily stepped into the warmth of her house, and she allowed herself to be led back to the husband she knew she didn't deserve. Her eyes sought Sirius, seeing him leaning against the mantle as he chatted casually with Dumbledore.

Yes, Lily knew the difference between right and wrong. Between what was good and what wasn't. It was the same difference as having an affair with the man you were in love with, and staying with a man you wished you still loved.

XXX

**Author's Note: **oh I can hear the angry mob coming for me now… Hey, if you didn't enjoy it, it's not my fault…LOL. So send a nice review (or a flame if you wish) because I love hearing your feedback. Oh, and if you do decide to flame, I have marshmallows ready for toasting over them. Cheers darlings!


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